Long time no blog. I have been BUSY! Work has been hopping lately and I have been spending lots of quality time with my awesome coworkers, I am very fortunate that I am allowed to do overtime weekly if I so desire and I have been doing quite a bit of it as of late. Not that I mind working, I have a great job where I get to meet very interesting people and work with the best doctors, nurses, techs, social workers and activity therapists ever.
Work is my escape most of the time. I manage my diet better there, my coworkers are pretty healthy when it comes to food choices and I would feel the need to explain myself if I gorged on a bunch of junk food in their presence.
So I have pretty much decided to go ahead and have the surgery. I am sure I will change my mind 15 times before I actually go under but I think that (maybe) it will be the best choice for me.
I have lost 42lbs at this point, I am wearing clothes that have been literally hanging in my closet for 5-6 years, that's right YEARS! I never realized how much weight I packed on after having my daughter and going to college. It was so easy to gain it, I am proud of being able to wear those clothes again. It makes me feel good to put them on, and fortunately they are still pretty much in style so I don't have to worry about buying a new wardrobe. Except for my scrubs, I am down two sizes on them but most of my older scrubs are 3 sizes smaller than what I was wearing, its all good though, I will get there.
Tonight looking through some of my old pictures on my Facebook page I found a picture of me and my son taken a year ago today on my phone. I took another picture of myself and compared the two photos, it really blew me away to see the difference in my face. I can see the changes, its one thing to see yourself wear different clothes and buy different sizes, its another to see the evidence in front of your face side by side, I am so happy that I seriously could sit down and cry. I can't wait to see what my picture will look like a year from now. I am hoping I am looking smoking hot and thin! :)
I am almost completely through with my diet and exercise program that my bariatric surgeon supervises that is required for my insurance to pay for my surgery. I have a EGD scheduled for next week, and I have to have a psychiatric evaluation, which is kind of funny considering that I am a psych nurse (omg what if I fail?)
After that is complete then its my insurance approval, then schedule the date, from what the Dr's office told me it will probably be around October before I would have surgery. I am excited but scared. I am just going to pray that everything will be okay and I will do phenomenal.
As far as my exercise, well, that has been kind of on the back burner. I am seriously slacking on going to the gym. I am not going to make all the usual excuses (work, hot weather, car issues) I just have not made working out a priority and I have got to get back on track. Every time I look in the mirror I see the signs of my weight loss, I also see the saggy flabby skin that I despise. I must tone up asap! I can't even imagine what it would be like to have abs or to wear a tank top in public!
It seems like all my life I have been waiting on "someday" to get here, "someday" when I am thin, "someday" when I have money, "someday" when I have time, "someday" when I feel better, "someday"when I'm not so tired all the time, "someday" when I don't have to work so much, "someday" when I am done with school, "someday" when the kids are older, "Someday" when I______. I am "someday"-ing my life away. So here is a new approach.....
"Someday" is much closer than I realize, "Someday" is now.
My kids are getting older, I have my degree, I can always go back to school, I wouldn't be so tired or feel bad if I wasn't so big, I don't have to work more than three days a week if I choose, I will probably never have a disposable income, I am getting thinner daily. I am there. I am where I need to be, I just have to keep going.
It may have taken a long time to get here, but the scenic route is always a little more interesting.
Keep on going, there may be bumps in the road but if I can do it anyone can. ~C
