So I didn't have the surgery, big shocker there huh? I went in for my EGD, got as far as my IV and found out that because my doctor had prescribed Phentermine for me to help me lose the presurgery weight for insurance approval, I had to reschedule and be off the medication for 2 weeks.
My husband talked with me after that ordeal and told me his feelings, he is really afraid of me doing something so drastic, he is afraid of complications and he doesn't want to lose me. Needless to say, I didn't reschedule the procedure and I dropped out of the presurgery program again determined to continue losing the weight myself.
Then life happened! My hubby lost his job/insurance, I spent the latter part of the year working tons of overtime to compensate for the lose of income, then the holidays came, then winter, depression and you guessed it I gained it back. All but ten pounds that is.
So now its April and we are planning our summer vacation getaway, he has a new job with great benefits, I am not working overtime very often at all. I have been in a bad mood for a very long time. I want to feel better, I want to be happier. My attitude has been poor, and I need to get better. I don't want be this fat, bitter person. Its affecting me at home, at work, with my family, my friends. I am hiding out, stuck in a big old rut.
Then this weekend I worked my hiney off literally, busy day on my feet all 13 hours. After work, my feet and lower legs swelled up on me to the point that I could hardly get my sneakers off. Then the rash came, then the red and brown blanching spots. I freaked out and made a doctors appointment. I am a nurse I have seen this before. What is it? Diabetes? Vascular disease? Blood Clots? Venous stasis?
I don't want to lose my legs, I am only 34, I can't end up in a wheel chair,I am too big, it will kill me. I don't want to die! I want to live, see my children grown, play with my grand kids someday, I don't want this all taken away from me. I have got to do something. I don't have a choice.
My doctor was puzzled by the swelling but seems to think its related to my thyroid and obesity. I got some water pills and the swelling is going down. I still have the discoloration although I am drinking tons of water and wearing compression stockings and getting up and walking frequently. I will do whatever it takes, this is a huge wake up call for me.
I posted a request for diet suggestions on Facebook and I got lots of positive responses. I am going to do this. Chicken breasts and salads sure aren't pizza and hamburgers, but its what I have to do to live.
I still don't know if I will have the surgery down the road. In my heart of hearts I don't want to. I want to be strong enough to do it on my own. I know its a long road and I have just barely scratched the surface.
This blog is part of my process so I will try to keep it updated as much as possible. It helps me to get these thoughts out of my head and the responses I get are very much appreciated and useful to me. Thank you to those who follow me, I really appreciate your concern and your prayers.
Time to change my life~ C
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