New Year New Decisions

Do I dare even do it? Those dreaded and always broken New Years Resolutions.
I have done a lot of pondering today on the fresh start we get every 365 days when we can reboot our lives and go toward whatever goals we have for ourselves with a clean slate.
2012 wasn't the worst year ever, it wasn't a real high point year for me either, but, isn't that just how life goes?
 So instead of worrying about making up some stupid resolutions that I will not be able to live up to for more than a month I decided to make conscious decisions about my life and the route I want it to go.

I think when you reach a certain age all of the big birthdays are kind of a thing of the past, you know you look forward to these moments in life that are your hallmark moments. You turn 16 you get your license, 18 you are an adult by law, 21 you are legal for alcohol. You graduate high school, you go to college, you graduate college, you get married, you start a family. Then it slows down, you raise your kids. They get old enough that maybe they don't need you quite as much, you grow stagnate. The kids grow up and leave and what is left? Grandkids, Retirement, impending old age and regret, loss of family members to old age, loss of independence, then death? Is that really all there is?

I already look back on raising my kids to this point, so many regrets, I see those little round cherub faced babies in these pictures and wonder where on earth did time go? I wish I had enjoyed it more, that baby smell, those firsts, I wish I had paid more attention, soaked it all in. I wish I had enjoyed it more because once those moments are gone they are gone forever, and they go by entirely too fast. I feel like I missed the big picture. I was young, broke, and stressed. I didn't realize how much of a miracle each one of them were at that time. I wish I had only knew how quickly it would pass.
My babies are still at home, my oldest 2 years from 18, my youngest entering that preteen time. I can't believe it has happened so quickly. I wish I had slowed down and paid more attention. I always just feel like I am living too fast, and I need to enjoy things more. I still have time right now to instill those things in my children that I want them to know. I want them to not make the same mistakes I have, I want them to live life to the absolute fullest because time always passes too fast. I have not done a good job of being that example for them. My diet and exercise habits are not good. I am passing on my horrible habits and obesity on to them and to their future families. There are so many things I want to do with them while I can before they are grown and have their own lives to live. I want to travel and take them to see new things. I want to be the fun mom that does things with them. I want to be there.
What about spiritually? I don't often sprout words of wisdom from The Bible. I am a Christian, I do believe in God and the Bible, but I am not currently in a church and I am far from any person to get spiritual advice from. And growing up in church I do believe something is missing. I need to instill that faith in my children, that way they will walk with God and know that they are never alone.
I had a long talk with God this morning on my drive into work. I need His guidance back in my life. Its been far too long.
I finally let go of a lot of things I have been holding onto. I don't have room for them anymore, I have made a lot of changes in this past year and it has been hard to let go.  I have had to cut my losses and let go of negative relationships in my life and negative people. I have had to forgive and let go of hurt that I never have understood, I don't want to be bitter anymore. I have to move on and find my happiness. My happiness lies with my family, my children are the most important thing in my life. I need to be more for them.
 I have been on this weight loss roller coaster and failed time and time again, but this time I think I will succeed, because I know that no matter how strong I think I am I CANNOT DO IT ALONE.
I have so many blessings in this life that I know I do not deserve, and I am thankful for the love of my friends and family, and all the things the Lord has bestowed upon me. I have a husband who loves me regardless of my dress size, a nice warm home to come into every evening, four beautiful, healthy children, spoiled dogs, and a job that is perfect for me. The rest is up to me. So now for the weight loss portion of this blog. I am doing lots of research, I want to do this the right way, the slow way, the permanent way.
So I have started slowly, cutting down on the soda, making better food choices, making plans to start walking after work,drinking more water. Reading books about weight loss, being motivated. I am on track , it is no longer about just losing weight, it is about renewing my life, being healthy and being happy, I know I can do it with my New Year's Decisions, not resolutions.