I am only 35!! What the heck?
I really don't know what I get this way. Maybe its stress, may its hormonal, I am not sure but I know that I really need to get a grip on it. When I get to feeling this way I let all common sense go to the wayside.
"Sure, lets order pizza for lunch" "one coke won't hurt" "chocolate, why not, I have been good" " Can we skip walking today, I got stuff to do and I am tired" Lazy, Lazy, Lazy! And I wonder why I can't lose this weight?
All this self sabotage is really getting to me!
I am a nurse, I know what I need to do. I know the mechanics of the human body. I know the "formula" for losing weight. I know the key to having more energy. I know that I feel great when I follow the rules. So why can't I make myself do it?
In my giant stubborn brain I know that the reason I feel like crap today is because of my diet and activity choices. How do you make yourself do something you need even when you don't want to?
Its a constant struggle. I need that buddy with willpower to drag my butt to the gym, or the trail or wherever.
Apparently I have no real willpower of my own.
I brought a salad for lunch today. I very fine salad might I add,, and I ate pizza instead!!!! Why??
Because it was there? Because I felt I deserved it? Because I have a food addiction? oh, wait a minute. I think I know the answer to that and it scares me.
What if I am addicted to food, bad food, junk food, fast food, carbs, sugar, soda? Addicted.
That makes this whole weight loss concept a lot harder doesn't it?
Food is not something that you can just dispose of and never touch again. If I were an alcoholic, I could just get rid of the alcohol, if I were into drugs I could just avoid them. But food is an entirely different matter. I once had a friend explain to me about her food addiction that its like you put a tiger in a jar, if your tiger were a substance like drugs or alcohol you could just not ever open the jar again, but for food, you take the tiger out of the jar and play with it three times a day.You have to train the tiger not to bite you, and make it tame enough that you can play with it and put it willingly back in the jar.
That made a lot of sense to me. Apparently my food tiger has a sweet tooth and a pizza fetish. So what's a girl to do?
I am going to just treat every day as a new chance to meet my goals. Its so hard to get past the food as a reward thing, I have to rationalize with myself that food is only nourishment for my body. Not a crutch for everything I perceive as a wrong done to me in my life. Not as an outlet for a really stressful day, or as a replacement for someone to talk to.
I have found myfitnesspal.com which is an app that you I-phone users can get to keep track of your calorie intake, its free and its awesome. I really like it.
My next step will be planning my meals in advance, getting control of my grocery shopping and budget. And of course getting rid of all those eat out nights and crappy food choices in the pantry.
Then of course the important part exercise I am going to drag my booty to the walking trail or gym whether I like it or not. Cause I know that as much as I dread it I feel so much better after I do it!
Finally I am going to forgive myself, I had done poorly today, tomorrow is a fresh slate. I am going to have a better and more healthy day tomorrow. That's what its all about isn't it,? getting back on track. I need some feedback Minions, what helps or has helped keep you motivated? What do you pull on when you are feeling low,lazy ect? How do you tame your tiger?
Grumpily yours ~C
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